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Excerpts From
The Habit of Living
As
I continued to sort through the generous supply
of albums, I noticed a movement out of the
corner of my eye and to the right. It was there,
then gone. I paid little attention and went back
to my labor of love. Then it was there again.
This time I turned toward the movement. I saw a
woman approximately fifteen feet from me. She
was slender, maybe in her early thirties, and
dressed in a gray business suit. Her red hair
was shoulder length and curled in. She had
electric blue eyes that were fixed on me, and
her lips were turned up at the corners in a
subtle but warm smile. Her attention was totally
on me, and she seemed oblivious to the activity
that surrounded us. There was no doubt in my
mind that she was attracted to me. I don’t know
whether it was my surprise, her forwardness, or
the idea that a beautiful, conservative-looking
woman could be attracted to a hippie who looked
like me, but I felt quite nervous.
I’m uncertain as to how long the next series of
events took to occur. I believe it was only
seconds, but it seemed like an eternity. I
looked at the woman, who maintained the same
seductive expression, and suddenly, my vision
became foggy and tunneled. I could only see her
face; all else was blurred. Even stranger, I
felt as if I was looking up at her. My vision
cleared a bit and I could see that the counters
around me looked high, as if I were a child. I
felt four or five years old with all the
vulnerabilities and immaturity common to that
age. My view of the woman also changed. Although
she remained smiling, I felt that she somehow
had the power to reject me for some inadequacy
or fault that was beyond my knowledge. My mind
was crammed full with all kinds of thoughts that
I couldn’t clearly identify. There were so many
but none at the same time. I felt connected but
apart, there but gone. Was this how people with
symptoms felt? It was terrible. My nervousness
intensified and I thought, “I’ve got to get out
of here.” I turned away from the woman,
harboring intense feelings of shame and
embarrassment as I moved from the record counter
and in the opposite direction from her. I got to
the street and felt my nervousness decrease and
my perception return to normal. I was an adult
again, with a million questions.
******
Why is it so difficult to receive adequate
psychological or psychiatric treatment? Why is
it that treatment for anxiety and depression
isn’t universal as it is for, let’s say, a
cavity or a cut that requires stitches? The
answer is actually quite simple. In medicine and
dentistry, a procedure is found for a specific
ailment and, with replication, the procedure
becomes universal with continued success. In
psychology and psychiatry, a procedure for a
particular ailment is difficult to find since
the ailment tends to overlap onto other
disorders. So anxiety may become anxiety with
depression, anxiety with panic attacks, major
affective disorder with anxiety and so on. This
means that a treatment for a person with one
symptom may not be effective for another person
with the same symptom because of differences
between the two persons.
Traditionally, different schools of thought have
clustered similar symptoms together, classified
them into disorders, and theorized different
causes for each. As a result, different
treatments are employed for the same ailments.
This state of affairs leaves the patient in a
quandary over which doctor to see for what
procedure and for what ailment.
However, suppose one looked for a common cause
for all symptoms instead of assuming that
diverse symptoms involve diverse causes? If a
common cause was found could it mean that
different symptoms might be treated with the
same technique? Such a discovery would
revolutionize the treatment of symptoms. It
would help to remove the stigma associated with
those who suffer psychological discomfort and
would allow the consumer accurate information
concerning available services rather than the
current “hit or miss” attempt at “normalcy.”
The following chapters present just that: a
single theory to explain the cause of
psychological symptoms and a proposal for a
standardized intervention. With motivated
adherence to the procedures described, many
individuals will gain relief from symptoms. Some
will require the assistance of a trained
technician for guidance through the procedure.
Whether you agree or disagree with the basis of
the theory and intervention, the proposal will
provide an alternative so that you may make your
own decision.
The theory that
I refer to as Reflexive Attention Diversion (RAD),
and the method of Attention Training, are my
attempts to reduce the pain and suffering that
so many individuals experience as a result of
psychological symptoms. The theory and method
represent nearly twenty years of thought and
research that had its origin with the redheaded
woman at the Bon Marché Department Store in
1968.
*****
WHEN INTELLIGENCE MALFUNCTIONS
The patients mentioned in the previous chapter
experienced reduced awareness as a result of
decreased attention or focus directed toward the
environment. At these times, each experienced
less intelligence or interaction with the world.
Their ability to be purposeful and intentional
literally decreased. They became less accurate
in their perception and comprehension of their
surroundings and more reflexive or automatic in
their behavior. They were less able to express
themselves and actually were prevented from
expression by the negative thoughts and
behaviors that they experienced. For example,
when Jim felt “unreal” at the Garden, when Sandy
thought he had touched a woman inappropriately,
when Jenny believed she would hurt herself, when
Sam felt compelled to perform his rituals, and
when Bob believed something “bad” was going to
happen - each had lost some contact with the
real world. Literally, less information was
coming to them through the five senses. They all
felt somewhat disoriented to time and place and
were responding to events other than those that
were occurring in reality. The response of each
patient was to his or her own negative thoughts
with no basis in reality. For instance, Bill had
no logical reason to anticipate that people
would find fault with him, no one had actually
criticized him. Sarah had no justification to
fear people; no one hurt her, so that her use of
alcohol to “soothe” her fear was unwarranted.
Pat would never drive off the Raritan Bridge.
Fran could control her life. Billy saw demons
that weren’t there in reality. Even Jerry’s
belief that he would “make waves” and offend
people was unfounded. Jerry is one of the nicest
guys who ever walked the face of the earth. All
these individuals lost the ability to see
differences in situations and therefore could
not make intelligent judgments. All were
responding to negative thoughts that had little
to no basis in reality and the world. At the
times when the negative thoughts occurred, the
content of the thoughts was their reality. To
varying degrees, all were living their thoughts.
REFLEXIVE ATTENTION DIVERSION (RAD)
What each patient experienced is what I call
Reflexive Attention Diversion (RAD) from the
environment. RAD is the same for all people with
psychological symptoms. It works in the same
manner and always results in symptoms. RAD is a
habit or reflex, like a knee jerk or an eye
blink. Its only purpose is to prevent expression
toward events by reducing awareness of your
surroundings. Reduced awareness eliminates
spontaneous expression since events are not
fully witnessed, and therefore cannot be
completely experienced and responded to.
RAD is built on the misinformation that,
contained within your likes and dislikes, is
some flaw or badness that, when expressed, will
offend and warrant some negative consequence,
generally anger from another individual. Simply
put, the bad habit is a tendency to take
differences of opinion personally as angry acts
or as criticism.
RAD automatically prevents spontaneity and, as
such, is a “bad habit” in that it opposes
the natural tendency for you to maintain
intelligence or full contact with the
environment. The bad habit distracts you from
your surroundings so that expression cannot
fully occur. Instead of full awareness of the
environment, you attend to negative thoughts in
the form of words, pictures and attitudes, and
to other symptoms. As a reflex, the bad habit is
out of conscious control and quite rapid in its
effect. However, there is a sequence to the
habit that may be traced.
*****
I understood the bad habit developed by pairing
expression with fear. In order to build a new
habit, I could use the same pairing process to
increase the patient’s intelligence. But which
aspect of intelligence would I use? Logic,
memory, problem-solving, there were so many
aspects of intelligence to choose from that
finding the right one was going to be a problem.
I knew the bad habit had a sequence. Decreased
awareness was the result of reduced attention
toward the environment. The decreased awareness
caused discomfort. Attention was converted to
out-of-control thoughts to justify the
discomfort and to quell confusion. These
thoughts triggered anxiety with its intensity
determined by the value of the situation and the
lack of knowledge of the behavior required. To
reduce anxiety, expression was avoided and
depression was generated since pleasure could
not be produced. This led to a feeling of being
trapped and controlled by a miserable existence
that caused anger to be acted out, with guilt
and self-criticism to follow, completing a cycle
that repeated itself. I knew this sequence
worked like a machine in the same way for all
people.
It seemed logical to me that if I reversed the
sequence, I should be able to decide what aspect
of the process took place first. The guilt and
self-criticism occurred in response to
unwarranted anger, which was triggered by
feeling trapped and controlled by depression.
Depression was generated by avoidance of
expression that is used to reduce anxiety. The
anxiety resulted from the out-of-control
thoughts, with its intensity determined by the
value placed on the situation and the lack of
familiarity with the necessary behavior. The
out-of-control thoughts and the decreased
awareness of the environment resulted from
reduced attention or focus.
There it was. If I could prevent a patient from
losing attention or focus toward the
environment, symptoms could not occur since the
sequence of the habit could not be triggered.
But how to do it? Simply instructing Sandy and
the others to be more attentive didn’t seem to
work. They all said they were attentive. I
needed to be specific and to decide what to pair
attention with. I knew contact with the
environment in the present was natural so
increased attention would automatically be
pleasurable. In psychology, there is a
well-known and understood theory called the
Pleasure Principle. This means that if an
organism (in this case the human body) is
presented with conditions of pleasure and pain,
pleasure will be chosen every time. I believed
if I paired my patient’s increased attention
toward the environment with pleasure, with
repetition a new reflex or habit could be formed
that would cancel out the effects of the bad
habit. All I needed were the tools.
I needed to devise a way to have Sandy and my
other patients train their bodies to be more
attentive and focused toward the environment. If
such a reflexive tendency could be attained,
then awareness would be automatic and symptoms
could not be generated.
The technique of Attention Training is
intended to build a new habit of
increased awareness by pairing attention
directed toward the environment with pleasure. I
believed a new habit could be built in the body
with the conscious, deliberate intention of my
patients. In devising a method to have my
patients increase awareness, I realized I needed
to be very specific in detailing the procedure.
I needed to be clear so my patients could obtain
the outcome we wanted as quickly as possible.
*****
The Four Points worked well to have a person
feel pleasure as the result of increased
awareness. With repetition, a habit is created
which seeks pleasure from increased awareness
while disallowing pain from the bad habit. It
seemed I could use the same process with
orienting thoughts.
This problem was on my mind through 1992. By the
end of the year, I thought I had it figured out.
I needed to find a way to convert at least some
orienting thoughts and behaviors to conscious
ones. I could pair them with the pleasure of
awareness and the body would generalize the
pleasure and the new habit to all orienting
thoughts and behaviors. But how could I do it?
*****
So what was the
significance of the eerie situation with the
redheaded woman back in 1968 Was I just being a
naïve twenty year old or was the experience as
important as I thought it might be? If I had
known better, I might have thought I suffered a
psychotic break. The fact is I wasn’t frightened
as much as I was confused.
I had long thought the glazed look in the eyes
of my friends and others had something to do
with feeling nervous, but my experience went way
beyond a glazed look. I actually saw the world
as if I were small, a child of maybe five or
six. But it was more than just my vision. I knew
that it was an illusion. I felt young. I felt
immature, dependent, as if I were doing
something wrong without knowing what. I felt I
would be rejected. I felt like a “bad boy.”
Over the years, I knew the illusion had to do
with the redheaded woman and how she looked at
me. She was seductive, there was no question in
my mind about it and I found her attractive. So
I knew there was a sexual, or at least intimate
aspect to the interaction. I also realized the
event happened very quickly. Actually, I was
surprised to see the woman at all. I was
completely taken off guard. If I had some prior
knowledge that such an event might occur, as,
for instance, in a situation where men and women
socialize, my intelligence would be able to
accommodate such an interaction. As it was,
there was no time for my intelligence to adjust
to the situation at hand. Similar situations,
such as surprisingly losing your balance or at
the last moment catching an object that was
thrown at you without your knowledge, are
dominated by reflexive actions since
intelligence had not had the opportunity to
problem-solve the situation and act.
However, it wasn’t until I had developed
Reflexive Attention Diversion that I understood
what happened at the Bon Marché in 1968. The bad
habit isn’t a bad habit at all, at least not
until criticism is paired with expression to the
point that all expression triggers symptoms.
We all grow up with a sensitivity to offending
and to be offended. If you can remember your
youth, you can remember tending to take items a
bit too personally. As children, we all have
offended people with tactless expression when we
were only intending to state an opinion. I’m
sure you all have felt guilt and fear over
becoming angry with a parent or even wishing her
dead. Can you remember the severe guilt and fear
you experienced as a result? A child’s thinking
is magical. Children believe their thoughts can
become reality.
This is because our intelligence has not yet
matured. As children, the major characteristics
of intelligence have not developed to capacity.
We cannot see differences between situations
well and, therefore, cannot respond to those
differences appropriately.
In my twenty-year-old, Catholic,
Italian-American mind, the ability to perceive,
understand, and tolerate expression from others
was developing, with appropriate responses to
follow. However, as a young man with the
background I experienced, a seductive encounter
took on a very high value. In addition, with the
event as a surprise, I was at a loss as to how
to behave.
The result of this condition was that I lost
intelligence or contact with the environment. It
was lost to such a degree and so quickly that
the only perception of the world left to me was
out of the eyes of the habit at the specific
time when it was incorporated into my body as a
reflex. Since the habit is usually learned in
childhood, I viewed the world as a five or six
year old, at the specific time and age when the
bad habit was retained by my body as a result of
repetition. Most interesting, not only did I
view the world as a five-year old child but I
experienced the emotions of a five-year old
doing something wrong. I felt immature,
inadequate, confused, insecure, and nervous and
I expected to be rejected. In essence, I
actually was a five or six-year old child.
I have met four
or five people who have experienced similar
events. Most people experience the return to the
habit in a less dramatic fashion. For example,
you may be with your peers at work, standing and
talking, and you may feel stiff, immature, less
capable and less worthy than the others, with
nothing to say. Let’s say you’re in a social
situation where you may be more yourself and
you’re talking to someone you find attractive.
The value you put on the situation pulls you
inside your head a bit and, even though the
person is your equal, you feel somehow
incompetent and vulnerable, feeling any word you
express is sure to be wrong and offensive. You
feel and act like a child potentially offending
an adult.
The information from the event with the
redheaded woman revealed some important
information. It indicated that once the habit is
learned and incorporated into the body as a
reflex, it doesn’t really change. If it would,
then I would have perceived the environment as
an older child or even a young adult. The
information that the reflex doesn’t change is
logical since the body learns a reflex to
provide a function efficiently and there would
be no reason for it to alter. Nor could it since
it is out of conscious control.
It is true the reflex could change
somewhat as a result of chance behaviors being
added to it, but the changes wouldn’t be so
significant as to cause a difference to the
habit as a whole. It would basically remain the
same.
The bad habit hasn’t changed much since it was
incorporated into the body. We’re dealing with
the same habit that was learned as a child.
However, we’re not trying to dismantle or
replace the bad habit. Actually, Attention
Training pays little to no attention to the bad
habit. The entire effort of Attention Training
is to develop a new habit independent of the bad
one. How long you have had the bad habit
influencing your expression has no effect on
learning the new one except for the resistance
encountered toward the Four Points during the
first few weeks. Since the new habit is learned
independently of the bad one and based on the
Pleasure Principle, it may be learned quite
quickly.
The most important information I received from
the experience with the redheaded woman is there
is something more to psychology than I had
learned in school. The experience pushed me to
try to find techniques that could counter the
attention loss that seemed to result in the
nervousness I felt at the Bon Marché. The
suffering that people like Sandy, Bill, Sarah,
Fran and the others experienced further
motivated me to try different avenues from the
conventional ones many of my people had used
with no lasting results. My people taught me
what to look for by their symptoms and the
experiences they went through with other
doctors.
Attention
Training has helped many people. It’s the only
technique I use. The technique is obvious, to
the point and effective.
The only criticism I have received concerning
Attention Training is that it is too simple. For
that, I apologize.
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